Infertility Journey - Surrendering to God's Timing

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby....

But what if the baby does not come? Or what if it takes a long time for your baby to come? Starting a family is an exciting and hopeful time for couples. It can also be a time filled with disappointment and frustration. Trying to have a baby is an emotional process for all couples, but especially for those facing infertility. 

God's plan for fertility is a deeply personal and individualized one. Some couples seem to conceive just by being in the same room with each other! For others, the path to conception is filled with unexpected struggles.It is important to trust in God's timing and have faith that He has a plan for each of us that is so much more than we could imagine for ourselves.

My husband, Joshua, and I never expected to have a hard time conceiving. Yet, that was God's plan for us. During the years we were trying to have a baby,  it was difficult to understand why God was not answering our prayers for a child. 

I've always been the type that - once I make a decision - I am ready to jump right in and make things happen. So, imagine my confusion when we did not get pregnant our first month of trying. I was baffled! I mean, I had made a DECISION! Having children and raising them to love God surely was a desire after God's own heart. Right? So where was my baby? What was wrong with me? Did God hate me? Was I such a terrible person He would not entrust a child to me? Was I being punished? 

Down and down I fell down the rabbit hole. What I needed to learn was to surrender my desires - even my good desires - to God. I also had to learn to let go of the need to be in control. It was a scary thing to pray "Thy will be done." What if God's will is different from my will? Then what?

Jesus needed to be allowed to take the wheel. And I needed to stop trying to climb over into the driver's seat and take over. I would pray and tell God I was going to trust Him and be OK with whatever the outcome was. Then 2 minutes later I was choking on my fear - crying and begging God to please give us a baby.

It's scary giving God control of my life, especially my deepest dreams and fiercest longings. Ultimately it was the only way I found peace. When I finally was TRULY at peace with whatever God's will was - even if His will was that we not have a baby - that is when God began to slowly reveal His plan - embryo adoption.

And what a beautiful plan! God's way of building our family was so much more beautiful, so much sweeter than any I could have imagined. In the midst of my longing and anguish I lost sight of the reality that God loves me so much more than my little human mind can grasp. His hand has been upon my life from the beginning - from the moment I was "knit together in my mother's womb." How quickly I forgot His faithfulness. 

But God doesn't forget. Ever. And He loves us so very much. If you are struggling with infertility, or loss, or maybe you are in a waiting period - waiting for God to answer you - take hope. Be encouraged. God loves you so much and He really is working all things for your good. His plan is going to be so much more than you can imagine. 

Trust His timing and His wisdom. God has a special plan just for you, and His plans are always for our ultimate good.  Even infertility. It is an invitation from God to deepen your faith - to lean into Him and learn to praise Him regardless of the outcome.